


Looking at You Looking at Him

by emperorpenguin (dortmundbvbbabe)



Series: Maybe You Could Love Me Too [5]
Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Angst and Fluff, Canonical injury, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2017-12-20
Packaged: 2019-02-17 17:11:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13081452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dortmundbvbbabe/pseuds/emperorpenguin
Summary: Nolan's injured, Ivan's shook up, and Travis is just sad. When Nolan turns to Ivan for comfort after his concussion, Ivan begins to have hope that things could change between them. Travis knows better, unfortunately Ivan doesn't see it that way.





	Looking at You Looking at Him

Ivan was agitated for the rest of the period after Nolan hobbled down to the locker room. The whole bench was shook up from the hit, but Travis was half expecting Ivan to start a fight or stalk down the hallway after Nolan. 

“He’ll be okay,” Travis tried to reassure Ivan when they were both on the bench trying to recover from a shift. Travis knew that he would be right, eventually Nolan would be okay, but he couldn’t guarantee a timeline for that. He wasn’t a doctor, but even he knew that Nolan had a concussion and those things took time. Ivan just shook his head and gritted his teeth glancing over at the assistant coaches occasionally in hopes that they had gleamed an update on Nolan. After the fifth time, Knoblauch snapped, “I don’t know anything, Jesus, just focus on the game,” there wasn’t any heat behind the words, though only a shared frustration in the turn of events. 

The period couldn’t end soon enough and even when Hakstol tried to corral them in the locker room in preparation for the last period, they were all clearly distracted. 

“I know we’re all worried about Nolan, but I don’t have any more information than you do. We can’t do much about that right now, but we can try and win this game for him.” In terms of motivational speeches it wasn’t high up there, but Hakstol was right, they couldn’t do much for Nolan other than try and win the game for him. 

They headed back onto the ice for the last period, but Ivan made a detour towards the trainer’s office. “Ivan…” Travis tried to protest, but he knew that Ivan couldn’t be dissuaded. Instead, Travis just walked down the hall with the rest of his teammates waiting for Ivan to join them on the ice. 

“It’s dark,” Ivan said when he sat back down on the bench.

“He’ll be okay,” Travis promised. 

“It’s just not fair,” Ivan said and slammed a gloved hand down on the bench. 

And so much about this just wasn’t fair. 

 

They ended up losing that game, but Travis couldn’t really be bothered to feel upset about it. It was early in the season and they lost a man. Ivan stayed as long as necessary, but quickly showered and changed and headed to where Nolan was resting. Travis quietly slipped into the room and saw Nolan leaning onto Ivan were they were both sitting on the padded exam table. It took a little while for Travis’s eyes to adjust to the darkness, the room was nearly pitch black, but Travis saw Nolan nuzzling his face into Ivan’s shoulder, as if trying to make things even darker. Ivan just seemed to pull him closer and Travis’s heart sank.

He knew that Nolan had a boyfriend. He knew that Nolan wasn’t acting on affections for Ivan, but rather just a general need for comfort. Ivan was familiar and he reminded Nolan of home, but it almost seemed unfair for Nolan to rely on him so much knowing of his feelings. Travis knew that Nolan couldn’t be blamed, he was hurt at the start of his NHL career, in a new city, but it seemed to cruel to rely on Ivan as a source of comfort like that. 

“Hey, Claude’s going to take you home,” Travis whispered. 

“I can do it,” Ivan said. 

“It’ll just be easier for Ryanne and Claude to keep an eye on him if he’s at their place,” Travis said.

Nolan groaned at the sound. Even though they were trying to be quiet, even the quietest noise bothered him. Ivan gently pulled himself out of Nolan’s hold and moved outside to talk to Travis.

“I can take care of him,” Ivan said with determination and a warning that Travis had rarely been on the receiving end of.

“I know you can, but it’s Claude’s job as captain,” Travis said. 

“I’m more familiar to him, though,” Ivan said just as Claude was coming down the hallway to get Nolan. “I can take him home,” Ivan told Claude who just looked confused.

“Ivan, I think it’s best for everyone if Nolan goes with Claude,” Travis said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ivan asked. 

Travis just looked down. 

“You’re supposed to be on my side,” Ivan said.

“This isn’t about you,” Travis snapped, “It’s about Nolan and what’s best for him.”

That seemed to startle Ivan and Claude was able to push his way past to get Nolan. Nolan walked out heavily relying on Claude to guide him out the car park. 

“Bye, Nolan,” Travis whispered, but Nolan didn’t seem to hear.

“We can visit him tomorrow,” Travis promised, but Ivan just went past him to get his things from the locker room.

  
  


There was no question the next day that Nolan had a concussion. Claude had brought Nolan with him for more testing, but he was certain that Nolan was concussed and told the team as much. 

“I’ll stop by this afternoon,” Ivan said. Claude looked between him and Travis skeptically but nodded. 

“I’m coming with you,” Travis said after practice. He knew that Ivan wasn’t happy with him, but there was no room for debate in Travis’s voice. “It’s just hard when someone you… someone you care about is hurt.”

 

Ivan stopped at the store to pick up a bouquet of flowers and Travis frowned but didn’t say anything. When they arrived and Claude’s house, Ryanne smiled gently and took the flowers from Ivan to put in a vase. There were some other flowers that had been sent, mostly from family and friends in Canada but there was also a generic one from Flyers management. 

“He’s been sleeping a lot,” Claude said. 

They checked in on Nolan once, but he was in a deep sleep, the windows were completely blacked out and his face was shoved into a pillow. 

They spent most of the visit with Claude and Ryanne and if Claude hadn’t known before, he definitely knew about Ivan’s feelings now. A few other teammates had talked about stopping by once Nolan was on the path to recovery, but Ivan was agitated even with Nolan just a room away. 

On the ride home, after Travis had to prod him to leave, he gently broke the quiet lull. 

“Ivan, I know you’re being really nice, but you’re not his boyfriend,” Travis said.

“I can’t believe you would use that against me,” Ivan said with betrayal etched all over his face. “What? Is that why you said he should go with Claude? What did you think I would do? Take advantage of him?” Ivan asked becoming more and more upset as he continued. 

“No, I know that you would never do something like that,” Travis tried to convey his sincerity. 

“Then why would you say that?”

“I think it would be bad for  _ you _ . I think that you are confusing his need for comfort as reciprocating his feelings,” Travis said.

“Don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I’ve replayed that conversation in my head over and over again, but he’s finally showing interest in me,” Ivan said. 

“He’s not, though,” Travis said, “He’s hurt and looking for comfort and whatever happened yesterday doesn’t mean that he looks differently at you now. It could be you, me, or his boyfriend and he’d probably act the same way.”

“But where is his boyfriend right now? I don’t see him coming here and taking care of him.”

“That’s not fair,” Travis said. 

“Isn’t it? What kind of boyfriend doesn’t come when their partner gets a concussion,” Ivan asked.

“His own family couldn’t come,” Travis snapped. “Don't you think they’d drop everything to be here?”

“I just don’t get it,” Ivan said. “Why couldn’t it be me? What does his boyfriend have that I don’t?”  
“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Travis said. “But I know it’s not because of you.”

“Don’t you think though that one day his feelings might change?” Ivan asked. 

“It can happen, but I don’t think you should plan on that,” Travis said. 

It wasn’t what Ivan wanted to hear, but it was what he needed to hear, Travis just felt like a hypocrite when he said that. If only moving on was so easy. Ivan’s eyes darkened and his hands clenched tightly around the steering wheel.

“Get out,” Ivan said when he pulled up to Travis’s apartment complex.

“Ivan…” 

“Just get out,” Ivan said. 

“I didn’t say that to hurt you,” Travis said. 

“Then why would you say that?” Ivan asked, “Of course that was going to hurt me.”

“Because you’re my best friend,” Travis said, “and I don’t want to see Nolan hurt you even more than he already has, even if it’s unintentional.”

“You know best, right? You’re always right aren’t you?”

“Don’t take out your hurt on me, Ivan. It’s not fair.”

“Then don’t give your opinion unsolicited.”

Travis just shook his head and went to get out of the car, “You’re not looking for a friend, Ivan, you’re looking for someone to repeat what you want to hear. And even if you were looking for a friend, you sure as hell aren’t acting like one. Not to Nolan and certainly not to me.” Travis slammed the door as he went up to his apartment. 

 

Travis didn’t hear from Ivan before the next practice, but he wasn’t sure that he wanted to. He wasn’t wrong here, he knew that, but he knew that Ivan’s pain was blinding him. Ivan was mostly with the other defenders and kept his distance from Travis.

“Who’s that?” Sean asked nodding off to someone in the stands that was waiting even after the open practice had ended. 

Travis squinted as he tried to make out distinguishing features. “Is that Nico Hischier?” 

Ghost skated up to them to see what they were all talking about. “We aren’t playing the Devils soon, though.”

Claude skated up to near where he was sitting and motioned to security to let Nico come through. 

“Aren’t you at the wrong practice?” Nico’s head popped up when he realized they were talking to him. Soon all of the Flyers paid attention to him.

“Uh, I had a day off and I came to see how Nolan was, since we’re, uh, friends?”

Travis’s heart sank. He and Lawson were friends, but he knew that if he got hurt he could expect texts from Lawson, even some Skype calls, but Lawson wouldn’t come by to personally check up on him. Nolan and Nico weren’t just friends. He wasn’t sure if the other guys had realized it, but Ivan stalked down to the locker room a few people ahead of Travis and slammed his hand against the wall, “Fuck!” 

Maybe the others hadn’t realized the nature of Nico and Nolan’s relationship, but Ivan certainly had. 


End file.
